Here are some sweet memories from my past but they still look as if it was yesterday.
Please enjoy;
One of our colleagues doing Mortar Fire Training, while adjusting for the fire, could not get the bubble level right. After multiple tries he realized that the ground is not level. So to adjust for the small uneven ground, placed his fingers underneath the Mortar launcher, finding it leveled, FIRED!!!
........and lost his fingers. Many of our colleagues know who?? don't ask me the name. The person himself still enjoys by remembering it.
During a combat training exercise while we were part of a fighting petrol: It was a pitched dark night and I happened to be the pacer and third from the front. Rest ten were behind me. From between small hills we appeared at a flat ground and suddenly it occurred to be and I jumped as if crossing an opening in the ground and to mine and others enjoyment, three of the colleagues jumped without looking, when reached the same spot. The fourth stopped and started feeling for the opening with his extended foot and all behind him stopped. Realizing what has happened, everybody gave a big laugh.
During training at the Pakistan Military Academy I was stopped by one of the uppers for ragging, while I was passing in front of their living area during the evening. Those were freezing cold winter nights. He made me remove all my clothes less my tights, made me stand on the 3 feet snow, which has freshly fallen. the funny man placed snow in my tights, placed a block of snow on my head, and balls of snow under my arm pits and let me stand like that there the whole night. Allah knows how Cadets survive.
Next day I decided a revenge. I knew his habits that he used to get up late in the morning and hurriedly pulls his already prepared Uniform. As it was a Sunday night and I knew that next day was early morning parade rehearsals therefore, I waited for the gentlemen to go for his dinner. When he left for the Mess for food, I entered his room which was on the second floor, locked it from inside, locked the windows also from the inside less one and came out from the fire escape. But before that I did not forget to empty his shaving cream tube into his socks on it's toe portions, which were lying ready for the morning by the Uniform. I also filled his spare socks with the toothpaste. Further I filled his drill boots with his tooth paste, replaced the blade in his shaving razor with an old one and threw the new one, removed all the buttons of the fly of his uniform pants lying ready for the morning parade and threw all his under wears on the outside terrace.
There came the upper, finds the room locked from the inside. Yelled for the person inside to open up or bla bla ..... having no answer, went to the side room and tried from there. It was also locked. With quite a struggle for two hours he could not enter. At around passed midnight a wise buddy of his told him to try the windows. He went outside with many of his buddies, noticed the small opening of the window, brought the ladder from the fire fighting point nearby, climbed and entered his room and being very tired, dropped on the bed and slept. As he was always the last to joint the morning parade, having difficulty to get up in the morning, got up hurriedly, dashed for the razor to shave, the razor couldn't work. Cut his face from many places, searched for his under wears, finds none. Hurriedly puts his pants and finds the fly open with no buttons and no spare pants ironed to wear, abusing loudly by now, pulls his socks and "PICHAAK", finds cream all over his feet, threw them and pulls the spare ones and "PICHAAK". No other option, still abusing but this time with the top of his voice and puts his feet in the shoes......... you can well imagine his fate, late from the parade, late from the drill rehearsals and furious.
Ha ha ha, I still enjoy the sight of his face.
I kept enjoying his sight at the punishment room doing punishments for seven days for coming late on parade.
He still wonders who did that to him.
While part of a recce patrol, I was moving with the team. This was a hilly jungle terrain with lots of rain Nullahs. Suddenly a sound of thud came and the leader moving in front of us disappeared with a cry. The person immediately ahead of me warned me to be careful as there was a ditch in front and jumped to clear it. Thud, crash, noises and abuses as he also disappeared. Thinking that all ahead of me were stupid, I went back around 15 steps, took a running start to clear the ditch with a big jump. I landed on the person who was hurriedly trying to clear the way. We had a great fall. Ha Ha Ha....Later on we discovered that it was a Nullah with a width of at least 30 yards.
Once I was caught by seniors in front of the Q block. It was night and the full moon was shining and it was freezing cold and snow all over. They made me remove all my clothes and jump into the water pond outside in the lawn. The water in the pond was frozen in shape of a glass sheet due to extreme cold temperature in minus Celsius. It broke open when I jumped in purposely with a splash. All four of them got wet and started abusing me with Nastalique. Now they ordered me to have a dip. I made them struggle for it and then took a deep breath and went in. I being the color holder swimmer and especially in underwater swimming, which they never knew, went deep in and sat at the bottom of the pond holding my breath for two reasons. One that it was comfortably warm there as compared to the outside temperature and secondly to scare them. After a while I could hear their concerned voices " OH! HE IS DEAD< WHAT WILL HAPPEN OF US< YOU STUPID FOOL BECAUSE OF YOU WE WILL ALSO SUFFER AND OUR CAREER IS RUINED < WHO WILL BRING THE DEAD BODY etc" then one of them decided to bring the dead body out. I could see them clearly in the background of the shining moon. When I realized that, one of them who ordered me to jump in the water, was about to come in to recover the dead body and the rest were standing in a circle, worried, on the edge of the pond, I suddenly pushed out with full force of my feet and came out like a Dolphin. All of them were caught unaware and were soaked to their nails. Seeing me standing outside and laughing, they had a sigh of relief, joined my laugh and later became my very good friends. Not to mention that they gave me a good refreshment from the Cafe'.
Those were the good old days and good Pakistan Military Academy traditions.
In the middle of an Army level two sided combat training, while we were advancing at head of an Independent Armored Brigade, I saw one of our forces' (Blue Land) Self Propelled guns coming with a stylish Captain and a Junior Commissioned Officer standing on the outer body of the moving vehicle quite stylishly. By some incorrect map reading/navigational error, we banged head on in to our enemy force (Fox Land) defenses at around 11 a.m. They were very nicely camouflaged and we could not see them till we were within their almost 50 yards. Hats off to the fire control of the deployed infantry local commander that they kept quiet and hidden till we were within their small arms fire range. At that moment the entire platoon came out of their trenches and charged towards us shouting ALLAH HO AKBAR and firing. Mind you we were the Armour brigades’ front elements and small arms could not do much to us. To our utter amusement and surprise, on the look of the charging Infantry and their slogans, the crew of the Artillery gun was horrified and the vehicle made a pivot turn and rushed back with full throttle. That was the first time that I saw an Armour vehicle and that too a Artillery Gun, do a pivot turn.
Whenever I remember that I still laugh and cannot forget the horrified face expressions of the Stylish Captain and the Junior Commissioned Officer standing on the gun.
(Below was narrated to me by one of the company commanders of my Battalion.
He was an Afridi and a Major. Read in his own words):
"One day I developed a sudden pressure in my stomach while the Commanding Officer has called me to brief about a job. The briefing was going on and on and the pressure was also mounting. I could not listen to a word of Commanding Officer and his briefing, as my full concentration was on saving my "Honour". The moment briefing was over I rushed towards the Jon. I hurriedly lowered my pants and sat on the Commode and haaa….! A sigh of relief.
When I came to senses I realized that I did not hear the sound of normal GROOOPED!
I looked down and realized that in the hurry I forgot to lower my underwear and …………… Ha Ha Ha......."
Posted by Zaffar Iqbal Durrani
